My name is Samantha Leftwich, I’m 31 years old and live in Essex. I have a degree in Special Education Studies with a particular interest in how the arts can support and aid in the expression and learning process. Before my sight loss I had previously worked within a mainstream primary school, working with children with special educational needs. I’m currently at unemployed but fill my time volunteering for my local sight loss charity helping to support group activities, delivering support and information and as a member of the trustee board to help shape the services which are delivered to our clients and their support networks. I also volunteer in a number of roles at Guide Dogs as a Campaigns volunteer, fundraising volunteer and as a speaker, delivering talks to groups about my experiences of living with sight loss and the difference having a guide dog has made to my life. I also get involved with RNIB volunteering through RNIB connect Voices which have opportunities to get involved with internal and external opportunities. This is where I found out about this project.

I have Diabetic Retinopathy which means I have sporadic voids in my vision. I also have had a cataract in my right eye which I had surgery on but unfortunately the lens pocket thickened very rapidly and despite being ‘polished’ has not made a difference to my vision. In bright light I struggle to see anything, it’s also st like a very foggy day or looking through a steamed up window. I have a large scar across my macula in my left eye due to the excessive laser treatment I had at the very beginning to save my sight. As a result I cannot see anything in my central vision in this eye. Due to the laser treatment in both my eyes I have no peripheral vision either so I often find myself jumping out of my skin if someone stands next to me and begins to talk. This used to be very common in restaurants when waitresses would come to collect plates from our table. I have total night blindness and cannot see anything at all when it is dark. My eyes no longer work together as the images which each eye is seeing is completely different. As a result I have double vision. The further away an object is the more likely I am to see two of the same image, sometimes I get an overlap so I see part of an object and a full second object. I have retinal traction so things often look like they’re moving when they are not. I have debris that floats in my eye and often looks like spiders crawling up and or along things. When I close my eyes I have a beautiful light pattern, it’s like the pattern on a glistening swimming pool. I no depth perception at all and struggle to distinguish between up steps and down steps. I also struggle with changes of surface, cambers and dips. I often get asked what I can see when I look at people’s faces. I try to explain in the nicest possible way that it’s a little bit like a Picasso painting. Sometimes I see one eye but the other is further down their face, I may see two noses and the mouth is either not there at all or it has half that is misplaced. (Saying it in that much detail really makes me sound like I’m describing a monster) as a result of the voids in my vision I quite often find myself thinking I’m seeing something when I’m actually not. I think my brain tries to fill in the blanks. I do have a very active imagination, some may say overactive so the things my brain thinks I’m seeing tends to be a lot more interesting than the actual object which is in front of me.  I often say that my life has become a great deal more interesting since losing my sight as my brain makes up a lot of what I can’t see.

I used to run before my vision deteriorated. I loved being able to pop my trainers on and just go anywhere for a jog. The freedom that I felt when running was exhilarating and I often used it as a way to de-stress. Since losing my sight running independently is not possible. I once thought that I’d never be able to do it again but thankfully I found a fairly local group who put on Guide running taster sessions. Once I ran with a guide I realised I could still run there was no stopping me. I run with a guide on all runs I do and find that I enjoy the run more as I always have someone to talk to and I can enjoy the feeling of being out in the fresh air without having to concentrate on everything else that’s going on around me. This is similar to when I’m out walking with my guide dog. I can enjoy what’s going on rather than having to concentrate on working out what I’ve just bashed my cane into.

I find a lot of peoples perceptions of blindness is quite one sided. You either can see or you can’t see anything at all. I have learnt over the past 7 years that the eye is so very complex and that even people with the same eye condition see in very different ways. Being able to show people what it’s like to see through my eyes using a creative means I find very exciting. I’m not an artist but I have a huge appreciation for all forms of art. I find art is very perceptive and interpretive, each person can see and take what they want from it. I have been working with the very talented Lindsey to create some art that is my interpretation of some of her pieces of artwork. At the time we spoke I had been struggling mentally after my guide dog had surgery to remove a cancerous mass from her leg. Some of the things I ‘thought’ I could see in Lindsey’s work were quite dark and emotive. I think if I maybe looked at the artwork now, I may have seen different objects that had some lighter notes to them as she has recovered and is back to normal. I love how our emotions at the time can play a huge role in our perceptions. I enjoy taking photographs using my digital SLR camera. If we are able to do some workshops in the spring I’d like to see if we can incorporate this into our pieces.
I hope through this project and the exhibition I will be able to find ways of expressing myself through art and maybe less afraid of trying to draw what I think should be there and instead to draw what I see. From hearing the others on the call I’m hugely inspired by their works and I’m really looking forward to seeing their incredible works. I’m hoping it will raise awareness of the complexities of the eye, the many different conditions relating to the eye and show that it’s not as simple as you either see perfectly clearly or nothing at all.

instagram: @eye_see_photography89

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